I received the following email from my sister two weeks ago and it has been weighing on my mind ever since.
“By the way, Bob read some of your blog entries the other night and was most perturbed that you have not written about him… he said he put his name in search and got nothing… I see this as free reign now! No Bob subject off limits… he’s going to wish he had kept his little mouth shut!!!!!!”
Bob is my sister’s husband of 23 years. I’ve been blogging for more than a year and while I’ve vaguely alluded to him in a few entries, it’s true that I haven’t really written about him.
I live four blocks from my sister and Bob, so I know a lot about Bob. Where to start?
Sometimes, Bob is our mother (mine and my sister’s). No, I don’t mean that he behaves in a motherly fashion. How to put it? He channels our mother. I call my sister and Bob answers the phone, only it’s not Bob.
“Hello Bob, is my sister home?”
“I don’t know. This is your mother. How are you?”
Bob does a very good imitation of Mama, but he insists that he is Mama, not just imitating her.
“Bob, get off the phone and put Rhonda on the line.”
“You don’t have time to visit with your mama? I came all the way up here just to say hey. You know, Bob’s the only one that appreciates me. He’s such a good son-in-law.”
By this point, I can usually hear my sister in the background, “Bob, give me the phone. Sheria doesn’t want to talk to you or to Mama!”
Of course, he’s not always channeling our mother; he also is fond of adopting the persona of a Latin lover, who speaks in an exaggerated faux Spanish accent.
“Allo, zis ees zee Latin lover, chu need halp?”
I’ve suggested on many occasions that he is the one that needs help but Bob blissfully pretends that he is unaware of his alternate personalities. Indeed, when I try to discuss his little problem, he refers to me as “crazy Sheria.”
In spite of living so near one another, my sister and I do a great deal of our visiting on the telephone. Both of us work demanding jobs and prefer going to our respective homes after work rather than visiting in person. However, we often watch television programs together and engage in long discussions in the evenings via telephone. I think that Bob feels left out on occasion or maybe he’s just nuts. He likes to get on the extension and chime in with his comments on our conversation. Of course, his comments generally don’t have anything to do with whatever topic my sister and I are talking about. Oh yeah, he generally enters the conversation as our mother.
In addition to suffering from a multiple personality disorder, Bob is also an accomplished musician. The video below features a recording of a song that he and I wrote together, called Satin and Lace. I added images that I thought fit the song lyrics. The song was recorded at a performance by Bob’s band, Moments Notice, at the NC Museum of History. Bob sings the lead vocals and he plays the lovely saxophone riffs as well. There is a female vocalist doing back up but I don’t know who she is. She’s not a regular member of the band, just a guest sitting in for the session.
I really like my brother-in-law and don’t want him to ever again feel left out. Next time I’ll write all about his obsession with cows. If you’re lucky, I’ll post a picture of him wearing his cow suit.