Saying what I mean

I’ve maintained a blog at AOL.Journals for more than a year, and I’ve enjoyed blogging. Not very long ago, I met a man whose AOL journal totally captivated me with the honesty of his words and his abilities as a writer. His name is Marc and he has a somewhat scary ability to see through the words that I write and perceive  what I really think. My interactions with Marc remind me of a song from the 80’s, made popular by Roberta Flack, “Killing Me Softly with His Song.” The first line goes, “He sang as if he knew me, in all my dark despair…”

Marc suggested, with great delicacy, that perhaps I was so caught up in a desperate craving for approval that I often was less than honest in my writing. It only took me an instant to recognize that he was right. I’ve spent most of my life looking for approval and fearing rejection. Marc only told me what I already knew. I’ve decided to do something that is pretty radical for me; I’m going to say what I mean, not what I think that others want to hear from me. This blog is my declaration of freedom from fear of rejection and my celebration of being me.

I plan to continue to maintain my journal at AOL; I have fans there whom I appreciate. But, I have been dishonest in my postings there; afraid to be too controversial, wary of staking out a firm  opinion on  issues of importance to me; afraid to risk someone saying, “I don’t agree with you!”  The truth is that I still want to be liked but more importantly, I want to like myself.

I hope that you will come back and visit this place often and that you will be honest in your comments.  I promise to be truthful and I value truth in return.

If you would like to check out my past entries on my AOL journal, click here.


3 responses to “Saying what I mean

  1. How proud I am to be your first commenter! I am gonna get your new address on my blogroll ASAP!

  2. And I’m happy to be second! I look forward to reading what you write and promise I’ll be honest in my comments, as you were in yours.

    BTW, I also got here via Marc; he’s like some fairy godfather (blogfather?) connecting people, eh?

  3. Taniesha R. Chambliss

    This is my first time reading and I feel like I should be asking for a copy of the book! Ms. Rhonda sent me over to your page and I agree so much with your post… It’s very easy to be misinterpreted in this day and age, and I sometimes find myself going over my thoughts repeatedly in my head so as not to say the wrong thing. I, too, am “afraid” of being disliked. More importantly though, I’ve learned in my walk with God, that no matter who else misunderstands you, He can hear me loud and clear. I’m now growing to the point where I can say what I feel needs to be said without the fear. I know that it’s not always what you say, but how you say it, that offends people. In that respect, I try to use the golden rule. My biggest trial has been exercising patience in all I do and say… Like you said, it’s more important to me that I like myself rather than worry about the fickle people of the world and their opinions of me… The true judge already knows me inside and out, and that’s all that really matters.

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