I’ve maintained a blog at AOL.Journals for more than a year, and I’ve enjoyed blogging. Not very long ago, I met a man whose AOL journal totally captivated me with the honesty of his words and his abilities as a writer. His name is Marc and he has a somewhat scary ability to see through the words that I write and perceive what I really think. My interactions with Marc remind me of a song from the 80’s, made popular by Roberta Flack, “Killing Me Softly with His Song.” The first line goes, “He sang as if he knew me, in all my dark despair…”
Marc suggested, with great delicacy, that perhaps I was so caught up in a desperate craving for approval that I often was less than honest in my writing. It only took me an instant to recognize that he was right. I’ve spent most of my life looking for approval and fearing rejection. Marc only told me what I already knew. I’ve decided to do something that is pretty radical for me; I’m going to say what I mean, not what I think that others want to hear from me. This blog is my declaration of freedom from fear of rejection and my celebration of being me.
I plan to continue to maintain my journal at AOL; I have fans there whom I appreciate. But, I have been dishonest in my postings there; afraid to be too controversial, wary of staking out a firm opinion on issues of importance to me; afraid to risk someone saying, “I don’t agree with you!” The truth is that I still want to be liked but more importantly, I want to like myself.
I hope that you will come back and visit this place often and that you will be honest in your comments. I promise to be truthful and I value truth in return.
If you would like to check out my past entries on my AOL journal, click here.